It was a one sunny day, she is in her room wondering what to do with her piles of homework. She has not done anything since she set down on her chair. She is just staring at the wall wondering why she has to do her homework. As time passed by, she is still staring at the wall and not knowing where she should start. She doesn't know if she should start with her math homework or spanish homework or US homework or English homework or human anatomy. She couldn't make a decision and gets overly stressed. She stands up and lie down on her bed trying to rest her brain from thinking too hard. Few minutes later she falls asleep and dreams about powerschool. She sees F, F, F, F, F, F, and another F. She freaks out and wakes up from her dream. She couldn't tell if that was a reality or just another nightmare. She checks her powerschool and sighs in relief. She sits down on her chair again and starts her homework because she knows that homework is not going anywhere if she doesn't finish them.
Amy:)
+ This paragraph really shows our daily routines ... by portraying the characters feelings towards homework. tired and overwhelmed.
I feel like I can relate to this topic in your paragraph:)
- I think it would have been better if you expressed more emotions and thoughts in details !
Alena Koo: HEYY JUNGNANA PARK! This stream of consciousness sounds like you! Which is a good thing. :)
I really liked how it was something that we all experience and can relate to. I also thought it was good that you wrote about your dream and contrasted it with reality. This not only helps the reader go even deeper into your head, but also gives them a clear idea of your thoughts. I thought that your paragraph was also enjoyable to read because you were successful in adding humor, while mixing your own voice with modern elements when talking about everyday life. Try to be more careful about grammar and capitalizations, but everything else was clear and simple. I also thought your open ending, which hints both a tone of positivity and negativity, was interesting and did a good job of summing up your feelings towards the situation.
Me gusta! ;)
Lauren: Hi Jungna! Your writing really touches me or in other words I can sense a very strong connection between your story and my life. Anyways, your writing is very descriptive in a sense that it really portrays and shows the character's actions and reflects the emotions she has in the middle of these actions. Also I really loved how you used dream within the stream of consciousness because that made it more surreal or had a more of an unconscious feeling to the whole writing. You do have some minor grammar mistakes in the paragraph and I think that maybe mentioning some of the stuff the character likes or wants to do will make the story more personal and expressive I think. Overall other than those minor suggestions, you writing was very personal but also very easy to connect to others.
Amy:)
+ This paragraph really shows our daily routines ... by portraying the characters feelings towards homework. tired and overwhelmed.
I feel like I can relate to this topic in your paragraph:)
- I think it would have been better if you expressed more emotions and thoughts in details !
Alena Koo: HEYY JUNGNANA PARK! This stream of consciousness sounds like you! Which is a good thing. :)
I really liked how it was something that we all experience and can relate to. I also thought it was good that you wrote about your dream and contrasted it with reality. This not only helps the reader go even deeper into your head, but also gives them a clear idea of your thoughts. I thought that your paragraph was also enjoyable to read because you were successful in adding humor, while mixing your own voice with modern elements when talking about everyday life. Try to be more careful about grammar and capitalizations, but everything else was clear and simple. I also thought your open ending, which hints both a tone of positivity and negativity, was interesting and did a good job of summing up your feelings towards the situation.
Me gusta! ;)
Lauren: Hi Jungna! Your writing really touches me or in other words I can sense a very strong connection between your story and my life. Anyways, your writing is very descriptive in a sense that it really portrays and shows the character's actions and reflects the emotions she has in the middle of these actions. Also I really loved how you used dream within the stream of consciousness because that made it more surreal or had a more of an unconscious feeling to the whole writing. You do have some minor grammar mistakes in the paragraph and I think that maybe mentioning some of the stuff the character likes or wants to do will make the story more personal and expressive I think. Overall other than those minor suggestions, you writing was very personal but also very easy to connect to others.